arkisumi's Blog

Category comedy

Guide to English.

April 01, 2008

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Guide, to, English., Jokes, and, Humor, Funny, fun

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Two guys and bartender

April 01, 2008

They were these two guys in a bar on top of Sears Tower. They were having a few drinks so their feeling pretty good now. The first guy says, "I bet you I can jump out that window over there and survive and come back up here and have another drink". So the other guy says, "ok if you survive i'll do it too". So the second guy thinking he has nothing to worry about sits and sips at his drink while the other guy jumps out the window. Well 15 minutes later the first guy comes back in sits down and gets a drink and tells the other guy, "Its your turn". So the guy jumps out the window, "SPLAT. he hits the ground dead". THe bartender turns around and says Superman you sure are a jerk when you drink.

Two, guys, and, bartender, Jokes, Humor, Funny, Fun

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bad bad santa

April 01, 2008

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLY

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How 'bout
I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Kay Sarah

Dear Kay Sarah,

Your parents probably smoke a lot of pot, don't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Hey kid,

Your dad's banging your babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid
Mom. All she does is ride his a**? It's time to give up that dream.
How 'bout some Legos? Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who goes by the name "Francis" these days? Are you gay???

Santa

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face. Do
me a

favor. Leave me a bottle of Jack Daniels on the back porch.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,

That beggy, whiney sh** doesn't work with me.

You're getting' socks and underwear again. Santa

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
a** whipped at school all the time. Second, you don't live in a
house, you live in a low-rent tenement. Third, I get inside your
place like everyone else does, through the back door.

Sweet Dreams, Santa

Santa, Jokes, and, Humor, Funny, Fun

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Perfect couple.

April 01, 2008

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.