cybersrich's Blog

Moving Beyond Your Divorce

There is no single more powerful stumbling block to moving beyond our divorce into a new life than the inability to accept our new reality. Acceptance is the hardest part of the divorce recovery process. Acceptance requires total honesty, courage and the willingness to let go of the life that we had...a life that no longer exists. Without that acceptance, we cannot move forward and create a new life.

How does one learn acceptance? Although it takes time and a good deal of inner work, it can be done. Here is a step-by-step guide to move you towards acceptance:

1) It’s about you, not them.

One of the most powerful lessons in life is the knowledge that we have control over one person and one person only…ourselves. If you are looking outside of yourself to move forward, you won’t. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. We have power over no one except ourselves. It is when we turn inward and do the work on ourselves that we will be able to effect dramatic and positive changes in our lives.

Being a victim means giving away all control and power. If I blame someone else for my situation, then I am powerless to do anything about it as I have chosen to absolve myself of any responsibility.

We can create changes that will make out lives better but not until we stop trying to change our ex or our current reality and we realize that it’s about us, not them.

2) Get support.

If you think you can do this all by yourself you may be in for a big surprise. Research consistently shows that getting support in any challenging endeavor leads to more success. Whether you choose a divorce support group, a therapist, a member of the clergy or a Life Coach, just do it.

If you are one of the those people who think that you have to handle life’s challenges on your own because somehow you equate support with weakness, get over it! Getting support is a sign of intelligence as far as I’m concerned as well as an indication that you really are serious about moving onward in life.

3) First, you must get through the initial stages of loss that includes denial, grief, anger, depression and whatever else you might be feeling early in the divorce process.

These emotions are all natural and necessary states that we need to experience. They are the norm versus the exception. Each one of these feelings needs to be embraced and experienced fully. There must be an ending before a new beginning.

There is a difference between fully experiencing an emotional stage and getting stuck in it. Beware excessive self-pity and real depression. Here is where support becomes important to your well-being and improvement.

4) Distinguish between facts and interpretations.

I cannot stress the importance of this step enough. People get stuck when they cannot face the facts and prefer to believe that their personal interpretations are reality.

You might be familiar with the exercise of the picture that has a hidden image within it. Ten people may come up with ten different interpretations of the picture. Some people will see the hidden image immediately and others will never see it until it is pointed out to them. Either way, the hidden picture exists. It is a fact.

You may feel that you have been mentally abused and yet your partner may feel that you are the one that is abusive. He said, she said. Probably a counselor will see a totally different picture altogether. You know, there’s your side, his side and then the truth.

Once you are truthful with yourself and can see the facts versus the drama or story of your divorce, you will be on your way to acceptance.

5) Be brutally honest and take responsibility for your marriage, divorce and life.

Those of us who can be totally honest with ourselves will receive the gift of a deep awareness of who and what we are along with the ability to accept our lives as they are without looking to blame someone else. Being honest allows us to see things that hadn’t existed for us before. The truth will indeed set you free. By setting aside our egos, we can look at our life for what it actually is versus a story about our divorce.

Once we have been honest and have embraced all the facts about our divorce, we are free to accept full responsibility for our lives. Responsibility is power and the freedom to choose what we want next in life. If we cannot take responsibility, we remain victims and victims absolve themselves of both their responsibility and therefore the power to control their own lives.

6) Learn the difference between what is and what you think should be.

If we are living in a netherland of what we think should be, we are completely cut off from reality or ‘what is’. If you think that you should not have to be experiencing divorce, then you cannot accept what is…that you are indeed getting divorced. You live in a world of your own.

We all create a list of should be’s that keep us stuck in the status quo: I should be happier, I should be getting more support, I shouldn’t have to work, and I should still be married. By concentrating on what we should be, we ignore what actually exists for us and remain stuck.

I think we should live in a world where peace is the predominant ethic but we don’t live in that world. That’s a dream I have. By acknowledging the world as it truly exists, I can make choices as to how I will live my life and also how to address the problems that do exist.

7) Consider the emotional wounds that you brought to the marriage.

Your ex may complain that you were not a warm person. I doubt that it was your marriage that created a cold person, if indeed that is what you are. We bring ourselves into our marriages and the parts of us that show up and create issues are the parts of us that we haven’t addressed yet. They are emotional wounds from somewhere in our past and they have a tendency to pop-up in our close relationships or when we are faced with challenging times.

Now is your chance to address those wounds and heal them so that you do not repeat your so-called mistakes again. Use your divorce as a catalyst to go inside and heal yourself.

8) Release toxic emotions.

Get rid of the debilitating toxic emotions that you are carrying around. Picture them as heavy baggage that keeps you stuck in your misery and produces a broken back. Anger, bitterness, hatred, resentment, rage…these are all toxic emotions that will harm you far more than your ex. You are the one who pays the price. You need to work through them and then release them because they will weigh you down for the rest of your life if you allow it.

Once you have done the work of truth versus interpretations and what is versus what should be, you will find it much easier to give up your anger and resentment. They do not serve you and you are learning to give away anything that does not serve you well.

9) Learn forgiveness for yourself and your mate.

You might not be able to practice forgiveness in the early stages of the journey to recovery but if you go through these other steps, you will be able to forigive your ex and more importantly, yourself. Forgiveness takes a big load off your shoulders. It releases energy that can be used for positive things.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean you condone bad behavior, it simply means you forgive. If we separate the person from the behavior it becomes easier to forgive. You know that just because you sometimes say mean things it does not mean you are a bad person. Just a lapse in judgment. We are not necessarily our behavior. We know all the subconscious motivations that exist within every individual. If we look at the inner child within a person, forgiveness is a given.

10) Make conscious decisions; utilize free choice.

When you do the inner work of divorce recovery, you tend to attend to many things that have been left unresolved for years. You become more conscious of your actions and your choices. You become aware of the subconscious and how it can run your life. When you learn to observe the constant mind chatter that goes on inside your heads, you learn that the mind chatter is not us, its just chatter.

Making conscious decisions based in free choice means that we are not letting our mind chatter, our past, our emotional wounds or our interpretations of reality run the show. We take control of our lives. Conscious living allows for incredible freedom and the ability to create extraordinary changes.

And your bonus tip:

11) Find the gifts of your divorce.

Everything that occurs in our lives and everything that we are (warts and all) has a hidden gift. If you speak to someone who has survived divorce and has gone on to create a and vibrant life based upon their own passions and values, they will certainly tell you that their divorce was the best thing that happened to them. That may not be true for you but there is a gift waiting for you to find. My ex likes to say that he is responsible for my new career and to a certain extent he has played a part. Oftentimes it takes a good whack on the head to awaken us to life’s possibilities and our own happiness.

It’s the old adage: Every cloud has a silver lining. It is true. Search for the gifts of your divorce and it becomes yet another step toward a successful recovery from the trauma of divorce.

Successful divorce recovery takes inner work. Much like a flower, the work that has takes place underneath the surface of the ground, invisible to the human eye, is the crucial aspect. Without that subterranean work, there would be no flower. The reward of the flower is dependent upon the inner work of the seed and the root system. It is the same with humans. Do the inner work and you see the outer rewards.

Laying a Good Foundation for Health

In the western medicine world, we have lost touch with the basic concept of true healing. We substitute a band-aid for a cure and wonder why we don't feel better. People get ill for many reasons. Each diseased state tells us that we are ignoring some part of self, and change is necessary. While many factors contribute to healing, and it happens on many levels, all require attention throughout the entire healing practice. Ignoring the body-mind (emotions and thoughts) would not provide adequate and long-term good health.

Physical symptoms like headaches, swollen glands, sneezing and colds, including more serious diseases like cancer, communicate that there is a disturbance in the emotional fabric of our being. Negative emotions like fear, doubt and worry stop the normal flow of energy. These emotions undermine us, and over the course of our lives cause unexplained and crippling diseases that end up controlling us.

The physical body falls apart because we fall apart emotionally. Recent scientific studies have shown that emotions sabotage everything—from simple success to kidney failure. When we don't care for the "whole self," the physical body simply mirrors those effects. Over the course of time, emotions like fear, anger and confusion take their toll. Repressed anger diminishes the functions of the liver. Hopelessness and despair play havoc with the gall bladder. Fear plays havoc with the kidneys, relationships and success. Confusion on the other hand, keeps whirling thoughts spinning, creating a cloud of chaos around us and we become imbalanced and ungrounded. Head colds for instance, are a direct result of emotional confusion. Long-standing negative emotional beliefs deteriorate the entire physical being. A constant string of repetitive negative words weaken and actually exhaust the physical body.

To heal we must feel. We must identify the root emotional cause of the disease. This process lays down a new foundation for good health and begins with a new attitude about being healthy. Any negative emotion causes us to stay stuck in a false perception about our self.

How do we identify negative emotions? The easiest way to identify negative patterns is to see them in family members and friends. Examine other people's behaviors. Notice all the things you like about them and all the things you don't like, especially the things that make you angry, envious or jealous. The people around you are actually reflections of you. What you see in another person that bothers you or angers you is a part of yourself that has not yet been loved and healed. Begin by criticizing your dearest friends. By doing this practice of looking at the faults of friends and family you get in touch with the parts of you that are out of balance and seek healing. This simple exercise offers you an opportunity to look deeply at your own emotional concerns and patterns. Once you locate personal limitation it's time for change.

Emotional patterns are created when you place a judgment upon an experience. To change, we must stay conscious of our feelings in situations. Stay calm, make no judgment—simply feel the energy. For example, let's take anger because anger is one of the most profound emotions and is easily felt. Imagine yourself in an angry situation; stay completely present and deeply feel the anger. Don't judge it—simply feel it. Now, love the feeling that anger produces. Anger can be motivation. It can be passionate. Change the negative charge that anger produces; begin to embrace and love the feeling of anger instead of repelling it.

Next begin to dialogue with the anger. Yes, that is correct, strike up a conversation with anger. Ask it questions like, "What are you teaching me?" or "Why am I so angry all the time?" Permit the answers to come into your conscious mind. As they do, you realize what the true issue is. Sometimes in that moment of realization the anger pattern can release. Other times it might take a few more conversations for the anger to release. This method allows the energy constriction caused by anger and other emotions to release. Any blocked energy begins to flow giving the physical body a chance to heal.

Even though healing begins with the emotions, the physical body must be strong enough to support the emotional body.

Supplements: Supplementation is important because food chemicals, pesticides and a hurried lifestyle play havoc on our systems. Take no more than five different supplements daily. I prefer liquids including Green-Magma and other green drinks. If you don't feel immediate results, they are not working.

Water: Only 5% of the American population gets sufficient water each day. Diet drinks, high corn-syrup drinks and coffee do not count towards proper hydration; in fact these drinks cause gastrointestinal inflammation, kidney and liver problems and an acidic environment. To properly hydrate drink at least half of your body weight in purified water by the ounce each day. For example if you weight 150 lbs. you need 75 ounces of purified water daily. Exercise: The number one killer today is a stagnant lymph system caused by a lack of exercise. Take a walk around the block or take a yoga, chi-kung or Pilate's class.

Natural Health Clinic Colon Center Stone Mountain

Detoxification Diet: Truth About Colon Cleansing

Detoxification From Alcohol Toronto

The opposite is actually true as has been proved over and over again ever since Prof Yudkin launched his attack on sugars and starches in the 1960s. "Incorporate all of them and you're well on your way to seriously detoxing without ever going on a program. If you are in the urban area it is recommended that you find an oxygen rich area where you can perform deep breathing. Regular bathing helps the body to get rid of toxins that accumulate on the skin, and also opens the pores. Saunas and oil massages help the body to cleanse completely. Many different approaches to detoxification and wellness will work even though they attack the problem at different levels.Physicians with a spiritual orientation tend to be more inclined than others to employ fasting both personally and medically. Any deficiency of these in the diet causes problems removing toxins.

Morgans Detox Diet Plan

nor can the cells' waste products get out. One common detox diet is the combination of nothing but fruits and water for a given period. The promotion of chemicals being matabilized by our bodies can be helped with certain vitamins. Think of it detox as a spring clean for the body. Often people end up with side-effects from a detox program thus highlighting the importance of medical consultation an supervision when undergoing a diet change. Who should detoxify? Although everyone can benefit from a detox cleanse those of us who are overweight have unhealthy diets take medications drink alcohol have health problems or are exposed to chemicals in the workplace need it more than others. Most detox programs start with strict diets.

Foods That Detoxify

Your body will need to be properly primed and readied for the detox program so it can respond well. You simply can't demand your body to cleanse itself immediately. Over time consumption of processed foods non-vegetarian foods and sugars leads to clogging of the inner walls of the colon with waste matter. Seventy percent of all disease processes have some emotional component to them. So if you are doing all the right things and taking all the right drugs supplements and diet for something and it still isn't working these drops may be your ticket. Our body is designed to use natural substances. Any foreign substance will elicit a response from the immune system to try and remove it. The liver reduces toxins into compounds that the body can handle and eliminate through the kidneys (as urine), skin (as sweat), lungs (as expelled air) and bowels (as feces). Consuming three servings EACH of raw fruits raw vegetables and cooked vegetables (that's nine servings total) is the minimum for optimal health but you will want to take in five servings of each per day for a total of 15 servings servings/day on a detoxification program. See diet detox free plan Because most commercial coffees are not made for this detox purpose they are not likely to be effective. This detoxification method can be done at home and at your convenience all you need is fresh organic coffee beans and a French press coffee pot. Toxic substances have penetrated every part of our living; the food we eat. Since the presence of these toxic substances are known to cause the deficiency of several important vitamins and minerals in the body the third step involves restoring these deficient vitamins and minerals; essentially through nutritional supplements.

Body Detox Diet Plans

The cars we drive emit emissions that are detrimental to our health. When we fill up at the gas station we breathe in the fumes of the gasoline which adds toxins to our body. The transit time in a normally functioning digestive system should be less than 21 hours. The average person eating a normal western diet will have eight full meals of undigested food and waste matter within their digestive system. Experts agree that it's not good to try and loose excess weight in a quick manner. It's better to take your time and incorporate a package of exercise. Your body has an amazing self-healing mechanism built right in it but in order to let it work you have to give it the rest it needs. See more Home Detox For Alcoholics There are alternatives to costly colonics though you can find many products do a wonderful job of eliminating toxins from our body by converting them into a form more easily excreted by the body.

Liver Detox Symptoms

Detoxification is unarguably very important for a long lasting health. There are several ways to achieve detoxification of the system some depend on the type of chemicals we are attempting to rid the body of while others have a general effect. " Critics also believe that it's extremely likely that the weight gain will occur quickly after finishing this diet. Natural health therapists claim that a periodic detox can confer a host of health benefits. You may find your skin will get worse before it gets better, but soon you'll see a clearer more radiant complexion. Acne will improve, your eyes will look clearer and, as a bonus, you may find your appetite decreases and sugar cravings diminish. A detox programme may also incorporate complementary therapies such as massage homeopathy aromatherapy or even colonic irrigation. Learn more at http://www.detoxwithmastercleanse.info These are not becoming any less important to your family's health. Internal cleansing is a live long process similar to cleaning teeth and detoxing is a vital part in it.

Understanding Holistic Health

Every thought and emotion affects your health. A holistic health approach encompasses treating the whole person: the body, mind, emotions and spirit. Traditional cultures have known for thousands of years that these aspects are intimately connected. Every food we eat, every thought we entertain, every emotion we feel and every interaction we experience impacts overall health.

Many blame their health problems on genetics, a virus, toxins in the air, and stress. While these factors can contribute to illness, very often problems result from a lack of fundamental health-enhancing qualities such as responsibility, a strong will, family support, passion, a balanced lifestyle and a knowledge of good health. Without these, whatever modality is chosen becomes just another pill to be taken and discarded when symptoms disappear.

When disease is artificially removed without changing the underlying cause, long-term health will NOT be achieved. The quick fix approach brings little or no permanent success. I am not suggesting that we abandon medical treatment. I am recommending that we look for the deeper causes of the problem from a physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and lifestyle perspective. We need to take the holistic health perspective. Lasting solutions can be found to multiple illnesses of society by getting at the root of the problem holistically.

I have observed patterns among those who have successfully reversed health problems. These traits are not rigid models. We all have them to some degree. They are holistic health approaches that each of us can maximize in our own unique way to return to our natural state of health.

Here are some very important steps you must take to achieve optimal holistic health. I can assure you that by putting these into practice, your overall health will be much improved! Sometimes you have to reevaluate what it is that you are doing with your life. By doing this, you will start to see the big picture.

Lets start with the first step, RESPONSIBILITY. This means not blindly accepting the opinion of some outside authority as the only way. Take a look at your previous choices for they may have led you to the problem. Then recognize that you can make new choices to remedy the situation.

I am not telling you to stop seeing your health practitioner. I am suggesting that you gather as much information as possible and make your own decisions. Taking responsibility is meant to empower us to make new choices for a healthier result.

Next is AWARENESS, which simply is deeply knowing yourself by observing your thoughts and beliefs, your choices and outcomes, and your response to the world around you. As you observe, ask questions. Do you believe you can recover your health? What does the illness have to teach you? Why do you make the choices you make? What do you need to know? Through questioning you will discover the things that seemed unchangeable are actually flexible and can be manipulated.

PROPER NUTRITION is the cornerstone of good health. Health and longevity depend on our daily nourishment. In 1988, the Surgeon General stated that two-thirds of the deaths in this country are related to diet. Our eating habits play a major role in many common diseases and emotional disorders.

Most Americans have a limited awareness of the power of food in maintaining health and reversing disease. The most effective diet includes whole grains, vegetables, low fat, no cholesterol, proteins and fruits.

LETTING GO OF THE PAST. Resolving conflicts and discovering their positive impact in our lives is paramount in healing. Resentment, anger, guilt and all negative emotional states are self-poisoning. They weaken cells and immunity and can be the reason for illness. Let it go and move on.

FAITH and the developing of sound judgments are important qualities in healing. Faith is knowing there is an order and unity to life, a sense of wholeness and connectedness with something larger than oneself. With faith, unlimited opportunities unfold, and we gain a sense of confidence in our choices.

FINDING YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE is prevalent among those who are healthy. Everyone has talents and skills through which they express themselves, and so do you! If you do not find your unique creative expression, you will be restless and frustrated, regardless of the success in the conventional world.

Purpose stimulates a deep sense of fulfillment and joy. With purpose, your life will take on much more meaning. I did not have a purpose for many years. The second I knew where I was going my life took a turn for the best. If you do not have purpose yet, do not worry! Focus on what makes you the happiest and visualize where and what you want to be. By working toward a goal and a purpose, you will feel alive and ready for anything.

Each of the above factors has a profoundly positive influence on your health and are more effective when bring them together. When utilized, you can go beyond sickness to health and happiness. Start with small steps and build upon them for a holistic approach to your health. Action is the only thing preventing you from achieving optimal health

Sciatica

The pain known as sciatica (sometimes misspelled as "syatica" or "psyatica") is caused by irritation of the sciatic nerve (one on each side). The symptoms of sciatica usually start in the buttock and may extend partially or all the way down the leg. The sciatic nerves are each formed by nerve roots from the lower lumbar and sacral parts of the spinal cord. The individual nerve roots come together in the lower pelvis to form the sciatic nerves. Each sciatic nerve then runs from the pelvis down the back of each leg. The sciatic nerve splits into two parts below the knee and the two halves run down the back of the lower leg to the foot.

While there are several possible causes of sciatica, by far the most common source of sciatic nerve irritation is a bulging or herniated disc in the lower lumbar spine. A damaged disc may bulge into the opening where one of the nerve roots exits the spine on it's way to join other nerve roots as part of the sciatic nerve. The bulging disc may create direct nerve pressure, and/or may trigger inflammation and swelling, which can also cause pressure on the nerve. When this occurs, pain and other symptoms may be felt part along the course of the sciatic nerve, starting in the buttock area and possibly running down the leg, sometimes all the way to the foot.

Besides disc bulges, spinal openings for nerves may be narrowed by bone spurs or other bone formations related to spinal degeneration. In some cases, sciatica may result from direct trauma to the nerve after it exits the pelvis, such as what can happen if there is a direct impact or hard pressure applied in the lower buttock region. Rare sources of sciatica can include spinal tumors, which can compress sciatic nerve roots as they exit the spine. Another rare cause of sciatica is a cyst or tumor that compresses the sciatic nerve in the hip or knee area.

Not every buttock or leg pain that people think is sciatica is acutually sciatica. True sciatica (sciatic nerve irritation) is usually felt mostly in the back of the leg (not the front or side of the leg). Symptoms of true sciatica are described by various people as stabbing, burning, tingling, numbness/heaviness, or like an electric shock. But even if symptoms seem like sciatica, they are not always due to actual irritation of the sciatic nerve.

One common condition that closely mimics sciatica is caused by knots of contraction called trigger points in a muscle called the piriformis. The piriformis muscles are located on either side of the lower buttock area, running from the upper thigh bone to the edge of the sacrum (the triangular pelvic bone that is at the base of the spine). In addition to causing symptoms that mimic sciatica, tightness in the piriformis muscle may also cause true sciatic irritation, because the sciatic nerve actually runs through the center of the piriformis muscle in some people, and can be compressed by excessive muscle contraction.

Trigger points in other muscles in the buttocks and upper thigh can cause referred pain in the side of the leg that may be mistaken for sciatica as well. It should be kept in mind that true sciatica and piriformis syndrome are associated with symptoms that are primarily felt in the back of the leg. If symptoms are in the front or side of the leg, there's a good chance that the problem is not sciatica.

Treatment of sciatica is usually associated with treating a bulging disc. The first line of treatment is usually an attempt to reduce inflammation to reduce pressure on the nerve bymeans of oral medications. If oral medications fail, steroids may be injected in the area of the disc bulge in order to provide more potent anti-inflammatory effects. A variety of other types of treatment may also be used, such as physical therapy, massage, chiropractic or osteopathic spinal manipulation, acupuncture, or one of the newest forms of treatment, spinal decompression. In some situations, surgery may be recommended as a last resort.

Most episodes of sciatica will resolve within a period of several weeks with or without treatment, but due to the severity of the pain typically involved, most people with sciatica will seek out treatment. Unfortunately, due to misconceptions by doctors and patients alike regarding the nature of sciatica, the necessary steps to prevent a return of sciatica are usually not taken. So, even though most people do recover from a bout of sciatica, nearly all will eventually have problems again at some point. Even sciatica sufferers initially treated successfully with surgery will often have future problems with sciatica.

The good news is that with awareness of how to manage sciatica and a little bit of effort dedicated to prevention, most people can avoid ongoing long-term sciatica problems. The challenge is simply to making people aware of the necessity of a "management" versus "cure" approach to sciatica and getting them to follow-through with preventive exercises and other self-care techniques.