illustrious86's Blog

Got Her Digits? Pointers For that First Call.

May 25, 2008

So you were suave enough to get her digits at the club last night, but will those same skills be enough to land you a date? You probably already know not to call the next day -- if you do, you might come off a bit too eager, or even desperate. And you also probably know not to wait more than a week because by then she might not even remember who you are.

But timing's just the tip of the iceberg. Where's the best place to call from? What should you talk about? And how can you secure that first date?

Check out these tips, and learn how to ace the first phone call.

Number 10 Call her in the evening
Like the rest of us with day jobs, this is when she's most likely to be free to talk. Call after 8 p.m. to avoid interrupting her dinner, but before 10 p.m. in case she goes to bed early. If she seems busy or rushed, ask her if you're calling at a bad time.

And if she says that you are, don't ask her to call back. Just find out when a better time would be for you to phone again. You want to keep the ball in your court.Number 9Call from a comfortable setting
When you're comfortable and relaxed, it shows through in your voice. Avoid calling from the office or from the car when you're stuck in traffic. Calling from these places is not only uncomfortable, it's also kind of rude. Instead, call from a quiet room in your pad. You want her to know that she has your undivided attention.Number 8Get your voice in gear
Women like a man who sounds cool and confident. Do you generally hate the way your voice sounds when it's played back to you on an answering machine? Believe it or not, there's something you can do about it. Try these tips to get your voice sounding its best:

Hum out loud with your mouth closed. This is a little trick that can help you train your voice to sound deeper right before a conversation.

Call standing up. Talking while standing up will also lend a deeper tone to your voice.

Talk slowly. Take your time with your words. People sound nervous when they speak too quickly. Try not to stammer and think before you talk. Better to have a pause between words than to trip all over them.

It can also help to look in the mirror every now and then during the conversation. You can accentuate your expressions (like a smile) to make sure that they carry through on the phone.Number 7Engage in good small talk
It's natural to make small talk in a first phone call, but you can still try to keep the conversation interesting. Avoid clichd topics like the weather and politics, and focus instead on subjects that are relevant to both of you.

You also want to be mindful about talking too much about yourself -- women notice these things. Actively engage her in the conversation by asking questions instead of just answering the ones she throws your way. Ask her about herself and what she's been up to since you first met, then let the conversation flow from there. Just keep it light and easygoing.

One item you should make sure not to delve into is past relationships. This is a touchy topic of conversation at any point in a relationship, and it's an especially delicate one during a first phone call. Talking about past dates that went sour or relationships where mistakes were made is a guaranteed downer.Number 6Make references to when you met
Running out of things to talk about? Try using references to when you met to spark a new direction for the conversation:

Was there a random song playing in the background?

Was there something memorable that she said?

Was there a funny incident at the bar?

The possibilities are endless. Try to think of a few things that were memorable about the time you met beforehand to avoid those awful, awkward moments of silence.

Number 5 Make her laugh There's one thing nearly all women look for in a guy: the ability to make them laugh. Try to drop a few jokes during the conversation to let her know that you have a sense of humor. But don't overdo it: you don't want to come off like you're doing an act.
Number 4 Don't be crude Revealing your love of French food is good. Revealing your love of Ron Jeremy flicks is bad. There's a fine line between being comfortable and being crude, so make sure you keep the conversation tasteful. By the same token, don't put too much emphasis on framing yourself as high-class. Pompous guys are just as insufferable as crude ones.
Number 3 Propose a specific date Make sure that you have an idea in mind for a date before you call. Remember; the ball's in your court , so you're going to be the one to hammer out the details. Be specific about a location and day that you'd like to meet up. Where should you go? Grabbing a drink together always makes for a relaxed , and you can consult one of the various nightlife guides out there for tips on a good spot.

Be assertive, but have a backup plan. If she can't make it that day or doesn't like the type of place you suggest, then propose an alternative. If at that point she still refuses, let her offer a suggestion.

Quick tip: do not opt for a restaurant on the first date. If you don't hit it off, you'll be committed to spending a large part of your night sitting face to face with her.

Number 2 Hang up once you've secured the date Don't feel the need to keep the conversation going after she agrees to a date. That's the primary objective of the first phone call, and she knows it. There will be plenty of time for deep conversation later on. In general, the phone call shouldn't last longer than five to 10 minutes. The less time you chat, the smaller the window to blurt out something stupid.

Number 1 Don't fall into becoming friends Be clear about your intentions. This is a woman you're interested in romantically, right? Make sure she knows it. The last thing you want is for this potential hook up to turn into friends just hanging out.

Don't suggest going out with a group of people. Nothing says platonic like a group date. Furthermore, make sure that you get together at night, as daytime dates can feel unromantic. You can also offer to pick her up. This will send a clear signal that what you're proposing is a romantic date.

Honorable Mention When in doubt, hang up If she's not home, never leave a message. You don't want to make the same mistake that Jon Favreau's character did in Swingers. Nothing good can come out of talking to her voicemail. If someone else answers the phone, just say that you'll call back later. Remember; you always want the ball in your court.

ace that first call Getting the courage to dial her number is the hardest part. Once you've got her on the other end of the receiver, your natural charm and wit will take over. Just follow these 10 tips, and you'll be well on your way to securing that first date.