uncleche's Blog

Ladies, if you want to have a successful dating life, certain phrases should never come out of your glossy lips. Here they are:

1. WHEN WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN? You’ll see him when you see him. If he wants to see you again, he’ll call. If not, next. You don’t have time for anyone that doesn’t have time for you.

2. WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL? There’s only one answer to this question: Because he didn’t want to!!! What you’re really asking is, “Why didn’t you want to call me?” Who knows!! There could be a lot of reasons, but you shouldn’t be sitting around wondering why. You should be out dating lots of different guys and not worrying about ONE guy. Don’t be so quick to put all your eggs into one basket, because if they break, it’s a big mess!

3. WHERE WERE YOU? If he wanted you to know where he was, he’d tell you. What you’re really asking is, “Where you with another female that you like better than me?” Your insecurity is showing, my dear. If anything, he should be wondering where you were.

4. I LOVE YOU (FIRST) - You’re saying it in the hopes that he’ll say it back, but what if he doesn’t? You’ll be devastated and probably feel foolish. Saying “I love you” is not going to speed things up if he’s not ready to say it back. So just cool it, and let him be the first to say it when he’s ready.

5. DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER? As long as he’s not sleeping with her now, who cares? The past is gone. Don’t torture yourself (and him) with these thoughts. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

6. I’M PREGNANT. In 2005, with all the birth control choices available, there is no excuse for becoming pregnant, unless you want to be. You should be using something and he should use a condom, every time.

7. WHERE IS THIS GOING? Nowhere fast if that’s your attitude. Guys want someone fun and easy to be with, not someone that’s constantly worrying about the future. His actions or non-actions will tell you where it’s going. If it’s going somewhere, you’ll know it. If it’s not, you’ll know it too.

8. WE NEED TO TALK. This is the equivalent of, “Go to the principal’s office”. Guys know it’s not going to be a fun conversation, so they’re already on the defense. If you need to discuss something, just casually bring it up when the both of you are relaxed. Don’t try to talk to him when he’s tired, stressed or trying to watch tv!

9. I HATE YOU! Even if you do, it’s totally uncalled for and un-lady like. If there’s an issue, be mature enough to discuss it when you’re calm. If he’s breaking up with you, reacting with anger may make you feel better temporarily, but it’s best to remain calm and act unfazed. He’ll wonder why you’re so cool about it and that may make him re-think his decision. Always be pleasant during a break up. Do you want to be known as the girl that goes psycho if someone breaks up with her?? I didn’t think so.

10. I DON’T TRUST YOU. What you’re actually saying is, “You need to step up your game, because I can see you’re up to something.” If he is up to something, he’ll just become even sneakier. Better to think smart and act dumb-it’ll be easier to get the evidence you need to confirm your suspicions.

Lucia is a dating and relationship expert, author, lecturer and host of the TV Show "The Art of Love".

With over 20 years experience on the relationship market, Lucia has dated men of all nationalities in six cities, four countries and two continents. Her practical know-how makes her the perfect candidate to dispense relationship advice – after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.

For more articles or to ask Lucia a question, go to:

www.articleprodigy.110mb.com

1. Decide to set aside some time for discussing your financial matters in peace and quiet. Doing this quarterly (or monthly, if time and patience allow) is a good idea. Then you can make sure your budget is on track and allow a glance ahead at possible items coming up that may have been missed (like renewal of driver’s licenses) and look back to see how you are doing.

2. Gather all of your budgeting materials in one place; notebook paper, 3-prong folder with pockets for storing bills as they arrive in the mail, stamps, calculator, envelopes, check book, savings book, pencil, pen. When it’s time to work on your finances, bring everything out at once (maybe store in a special drawer or box for handy pick-up-and-go.)

3. On a sheet of notebook paper (or a sheet from a budget planning guidebook or software print out), list each monthly expense; rent / house payment, each utility, charities / tithing, grocery money, misc. funds (to allow for medicines, snacks, CD rental, etc.), car payments, insurance, credit card payments, etc. For guidelines, there are several things you can do; check with your local bank for budget planning help, ask a librarian for help finding budget books, check your computer’s software (Microsoft Word has some business / budgeting sheets that could be altered to fit your family planning needs, for instance), visit local office supply stores to see which types of budget planner notebooks and guide they may have available, surf online or use the following one enclosed and revise it to suit your needs. Hint: visit www.digital-women.com/daily-planner for lots of planner pages to choose from (for men and women!)

4. Fill in the blanks on your budget planner page. List how much each monthly payment is in #3 above. Then total the list to see how much income you need to cover all your expenses.

5. Note your incomes in a separate column off to the side. Does your income exceed your expense total? If so, great. Simply have fun choosing what you’d like to both do with your extra income, with long-term and short-term goals that are compatible with both of you. If not, if income does not exceed expenses, and this is the area where discourse usually strikes, it’s time to whittle down your expenses and / or earn extra income.

Here are tips on whittling down income and being more budget-conscious with your available funds:

A. Use coupons, even cyber-ones like from www.valpak.com

B. Check with your insurance about higher deductibles and any special rate savings programs they may have (like good driving discounts).

C. Visit second hand stores for used books and clothing.

D. Donate time and volunteer work instead of tithing money

E. Buy no-name foods, toiletry and household items (shampoos, deodorants, light bulbs, etc.) instead of brand names.

F. Cook at home more as entertainment and invite your neighbors and friends over. And skip eating out so much, renting CD / DVDs and going to movies.

G. Track and monitor your spending. Jot purchases in a notebook and keep handy with your checkbook for quick reference. Review and see how you do weekly. Improve!

H. Plan ahead. For example, save a little each month for Christmas so that in December, you’ll already have what you need for gifts already saved up. Likewise for annual insurance billings (like for the house) or for any other annual billings.

I. See if you can trade services with others. For example, if you have a computer and can toss up a decent web page maybe you can create web pages for small business in the area in exchange for gift cards to use in their stores.

J. Sell some of your stuff – try online auctions, garage sales, cheap classifieds, bulletin boards around town…

K. Resist the urge to “immediately” fulfill a want. Instead, keep a list going of “wants.” If an item has been on there for a year, for example, then begin shopping for it. Look for bargains, try to trade for it, negotiate for a better deal. Waiting generally means you’ll really want it more (or not, and cross it off your list) and will actually USE it when you get it and not just toss it in a pile with other unopened or hardly used things that you just HAD to have.

L. Check out library books like:

• The Cheapskate Monthly Money Makeover, by Mary Hunt; St. Martin's Press; Reissue edition (March 1, 1995).
• Miserly Moms: Living on One Income in a Two-Income Economy, by Jonni McCoy; Bethany House Publishers; 3rd edition (October 1, 2001).
• The Complete Cheapskate: How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out, and Break Free from Money Worries Forever, by Mary E. Hunt, Mary Hunt; St. Martin's Griffin; 1st edition (August 1, 2003).

• Use respectful tones and wording. Swear words and hurtful remarks are not good for anyone. If someone presses you, for example, to share confidential information that you shouldn’t, just say, “No” and tell the site monitors / webmaster of the forum, chat room or online dating site, if necessary.

• Look for dating and other resource websites that list street addresses instead of post office boxes or nothing at all. Ask friends for referrals.

• Try to avoid stretching the truth about your accomplishments, job title, etc. Then if a relationship develops, things will run much smoother.

• Try to avoid many 1-word replies and 1-sentence communications. Take some time to develop your thoughts and share in your paragraphs. In short, be a friend.

• All capital letters mean “shouting” and is difficult to read at any length.

Take care and have fun with your cyber-dating.