bad bad santa

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLY

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How 'bout
I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Kay Sarah

Dear Kay Sarah,

Your parents probably smoke a lot of pot, don't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Hey kid,

Your dad's banging your babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid
Mom. All she does is ride his a**? It's time to give up that dream.
How 'bout some Legos? Santa

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who goes by the name "Francis" these days? Are you gay???

Santa

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face. Do
me a

favor. Leave me a bottle of Jack Daniels on the back porch.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,

That beggy, whiney sh** doesn't work with me.

You're getting' socks and underwear again. Santa

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
a** whipped at school all the time. Second, you don't live in a
house, you live in a low-rent tenement. Third, I get inside your
place like everyone else does, through the back door.

Sweet Dreams, Santa