Several people I know (including myself) have recently become aware of some of the ways that we have historically tended to isolate ourselves from relationships with other people because of past injuries (ref: Hiding From Love, Townsend, 1996). I was listening to a couple of people in a class on the subject voice some of their anxieties and frustrations with the process of coming out of relational hiding to try to build safe, healthy relationships with people again. I shared an analogy with them in an effort to reflect what I thought they were saying in a simple context outside of themselves to encourage them (and myself, frankly) to keep working through the process.

I was wading in some Costa Rican surf and a guy arrived apparently to do some surfing. Having never surfed myself, I was curious to see what was involved. He took his board off his car and walked out into the surf. No big deal until he got in up to his waist where he had to simultaneously fight the crashing waves on top and the rip-tides underneath. Paddling with his hands while lying on the board solved the problem of the rip-tide resistance. However, he spent a great deal of time alternately paddling furiously and then holding his board and breath as the waves broke over him trying to knock him off his board, push him back toward the beach, drown him, or any combination thereof.

Finally, after many minutes of what seemed to be a long fruitless struggle, he made it past the point where the waves were breaking and into relatively calm waters. He paddled out further and then rested a few minutes as he waited for a good wave. Finding one such wave, he paddled like mad, stood up and rode that wave ... for all of 10-15 seconds, at which point he was knocked off his board. For the next several minutes both he and his board were just pummeled by the surf like shoes in a font-loading washing machine. Eventually, he caught up with his board, regained control of it and began the long arduous process of paddling out through the breakers once more.

That 15 second ride is like the life sustaining energy we both give and receive in good relationships. And it is the desire (really, the need) for that energy that can sustain us as we work through the inevitable disappointments and rejections resulting from the process of weeding out unsafe and shallow people to find the ones worthy of our trust and love.