How to Improve Your Self-Image

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How to Improve
Your
Self-Image

Christian H. Godefroy

HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF-IMAGE

Published by Christian H. Godefroy (2001 Christian H. Godefroy.) All rights
reserved. This eBook is an abstract of “Be Confident of Yourself Under Any Circumstances”. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

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What Kind Of “Personality”
Do You Have?

How many times have you heard the word personality in the last
month?

Probably a dozen times, if not more. We say someone has a strong
personality, or a likable personality, or that someone is dull, etc. We
sometimes even say that someone doesn’t have a personality at all.

But what is personality?

Personality is a mosaic of characteristics whose continual interplay conditions the various ways in which we behave. Therefore, our
personality encompasses all our qualities and all our faults, and it is
because of personality that each human being on the face of the earth
is unique.

How is personality acquired?

This is a question which philosophers and men of science have
been pondering for centuries. Modern thinking generally maintains
that personality is the result of certain hereditary factors, upon which
are grafted the exterior influences which we experience, especially
during the formative years.

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However, whatever hereditary, cultural or educational baggage
you may be carrying around, you should know that you can change
your personality, improve it, reinforce it, or round off any rough edges
you may have.

6 Characteristics Of A Leader

What kind of personality does a leader, someone who exudes
charisma, have?

It seems that leaders posses 6 fundamental characteristics:

1. Simplicity
You should first be aware that people with charisma are usually
simple and modest. It’s the people who fail continually who are arrogant towards others. In a group, charismatic persons never try to
attract attention by boasting about their talents or qualities, or by
making a display of their virtues.

2. The ability to listen to others
A few years ago a popular magazine organized a contest. Readers had to concoct bits of philosophical or spiritual wisdom, in 25
words or less. One reader submitted the following gem: “People who
talk about themselves are bores, people who talk about others are
gossips, but those who talk about you are brilliant conversationalists!”

It’s so true. If you want to acquire a magnetic personality, you
have to learn to encourage other people to express themselves, and

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to talk about themselves to you. Ask questions about their work, their
hobbies, their families and so on. Give them the opportunity to reveal themselves to you.

3. Self confidence and assertiveness
Shyness, which we’ll talk about in detail in the chapter devoted
to it, is not necessarily a negative quality if it isn’t exaggerated, in
which case it’s more like a healthy sense of propriety and reserve.

However if your shyness prevents you from communicating with
others, from assuming your rightful position in society, from meeting
people with whom you believe you have something in common, from
doing well on oral exams or showing your best side during job interviews, then you should do something about it. People with charisma
are not overly shy, and if they were at one time, they have succeeded
in overcoming it. We’ll see how later on.

4. The ability to act decisively
This means not procrastinating -not putting off for tomorrow
what you can do today. Charismatic people are neither negligent nor
lazy. If procrastinating is one of your faults, you must absolutely get
rid of it. An entire chapter of this book is devoted to the problem.

Be honest: do you admire people who can’t make up their minds,
who always seem to be dragging their feet, and who have a pile of
things they were supposed to do last week which they still haven’t
gotten around to? No, of course not.

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5. Respect your commitments
Does this seem obvious? Well, you may be surprised to learn how
many people don’t honor their commitments. “Are you talking about
minor or major commitments?” you ask.

And that’s exactly the point - that’s where you’re going wrong.
Because there are no minor commitments!

A commitment is always major, whether it’s a promise to play
tennis with someone, or to lend a substantial amount of money to a
friend in need. You are judged just as severely on your punctuality to
a dinner party as you are in repaying your debts. People with charisma are people you can count on. They are like rocks - steady fixed
points in an unstable, changing universe.

6. Feeling good about yourself
Be careful! Feeling good about yourself doesn’t mean you have
to look like Robert Redford or Marilyn Monroe. Physical beauty has
nothing to do with a person’s magnetism. Never forget that.

President Roosevelt was an invalid; Cicero, according to historical descriptions, was afflicted with a repulsive physique; neither
would Joan of Arc or Queen Elizabeth have won any beauty contests.
Many of society’s most influential personalities have nothing physically attractive about them.

To feel good about yourself, you have to accept your physical
qualities and defects, which are irremediable, and make the most of
them. You can make this task easier by applying certain techniques
which may enhance the way you appear to others. You’ll find some

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ideas on this subject in Lessons 5 and 6.

Now that you know what your personality should be like, it’s
time to find out what it really is like! Because it’s only by knowing
exactly who you are that you can try to change yourself and become
the person you want to be.

How To Know Yourself Better

Learning to know yourself calls for one essential quality: self honesty.

You’ll start by playing your own confessor and writing a list of
your positive and negative characteristics.

Then you’ll take a short test to determine if your relations with
others leave something to be desired. Charismatic people are neither
introverted or extroverted. They have found a way to balance these
two extremes in their relations with others.

A piece of advice: If you really think you can’t be honest with
yourself, if you’re convinced that you’re bound to leave out certain
aspects of your personality that you’d rather not face up to, even if
they’re not especially negative, then we suggest having a sample of
your handwriting analysed by a graphologist.

A graphologist’s report will spell out your positive and negative
traits in black and white. You may be unpleasantly surprised, but if
so you should remember that we’re all capable of changing.

If you’re not sure of yourself or of your own judgment, but you
don’t want to consult a graphologist, than ask someone close to you

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to for help, someone you like but who also has a clear understanding
of who you are.

But don’t go asking your boyfriend or girlfriend, whom you’ve
only known for six months, to start listing all your faults. Don’t ask
you parents either. It’s rare that a mother or father can judge their
offspring objectively.

Turn to a childhood friend or an old friend of the family, a brother
or sister, someone you’ve worked with for a number of years, an old
professor whom you got along well with, or a therapist whom you’ve
consulted at some point in your life.

Your Qualities And Faults

1. Start by listing your qualities.
What ten qualities -or more -do you think you possess? Take
some time to think about it, and then list a minimum of ten responses
in the space provided.

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2. Now list the characteristics which you consider to be your major
faults. Don’t forget - be honest!
Note: You may find the same characteristic in both lists, since a
given quality, exaggerated to one extreme or another, can have both a
positive and negative aspect.

Let’s look at an example: You’re used to helping people out. You’re
therefore a helpful person, and that is an enviable quality. But what if
you’re so helpful it makes you incapable of saying no! You let people
walk all over you, as the saying goes. And that is a fault that can
eventually ruin your life.

Another example: you’re frank and direct with people. That’s all
very well. But maybe your frankness is a result of insensitivity -you
may be ignoring the way you make other people feel, forgetting the
old adage, “Not all truths are worth telling.” Charismatic people are
not hypocrites, far from it! However they instinctively know when to
remain silent, in order not to hurt someone needlessly.

Above all, don’t get down on yourself when you read your list of

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faults - we’ve all got them!

Transform Your Weaknesses Into Strengths

Remember that nothing’s perfect, and that perfection, if it did
exist, would be singularly boring. You should also know that you can
transform your weak points into strengths.

Charismatic people are human beings just like you. They’re far
from perfect. Very often their charisma depends on what we would
consider to be a defect: ambition pushed to its extreme (Napoleon);
courage to the point of audacity (Alexander the Great); stubbornness
(Joan of Arc), etc.

What you consider a major fault in your own character may be
the dominating quality in someone else whom you admire!

Test: You And Others

Now complete this short test to find out how you are going to
direct your efforts to change your relations with other people.

1. In a group:
. a) You often lead the conversation
. b) You prefer listening to others
2. Which pastime do you prefer?
. a) Dancing
. b)Reading
3. Do you prefer to spend an evening in the company of:
. a) One person
. b) A group of friends

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4. Where would you choose to go on vacation?
. a) Acapulco
. b) A desert
5. If someone says something that hurts you:
. a) You close up like a clam
. b) You exhibit your pain, disappointment or anger
immediately
6. When you have to make a decision:
. a) You trust your intuition and decide quickly
. b) You procrastinate
7. Your relation to money can be described as follows:
. a) You never know how much you have in your pocket
. b) You always check your bills to make sure there
hasn’t been a mistake
8. Do you get the impression that other people extend invitations:
. a) Out of politeness
. b) To make their parties more interesting
9. Whenever some happy occasion occurs in your life:
. a) You immediately tell everyone about it
. b) You say nothing because you think it doesn’t
concern or interest anyone but yourself
10. To be happy you need:
. a) A lot of people around you
. b) Your books and records

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RESULTS

Question Answer Points
A B
1 3 1
2 3 1
3 1 3
4 3 1
5 1 3
6 3 1
7 3 1
8 1 3
9 3 3
10 3 1

If you scored between 10 and 15 points: you are an introvert

You are rarely comfortable in a group, and you don’t like meeting people. Social events seem superficial and a waste of time to you.
You’re probably very shy, preferring intellectual or physical activities
which require no contact with other people. Obviously you won’t be
able to influence people by running away from them.

16 to 20 points: you have a balanced personality

You’re well on your way towards obtaining a magnetic personality. You take pleasure in the company of others, but this doesn’t prevent you from appreciating your quiet, intimate moments. You are
liked by introverts as well as extroverts. Your relations with the people
around you are bound to be relaxed and mutually enriching.

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21 to 30 points: you’re an extrovert

You’re overflowing with energy, and you’re probably very ambitious. You constantly need to have people around you. It’s possible
that other people find you a little tiring, overbearing, even aggressive. You don’t spend enough time with yourself, and it’s likely that
you need other people around all the time because you’re insecure
and lack self confidence. Therefore a method which shows you how
to overcome your timidity and acquire a measured dose of
assertiveness will be just as important for you as for someone who is
introverted.

You Are Unique!

While recognizing that you may have to change certain aspects
of your personality in order to make it more magnetic, it’s important
that you be able to accept yourself the way you are.

YOU ARE UNIQUE!

You are a totally unique collection of qualities and faults, of hereditary characteristics and acquired traits. No one else in the entire
world is exactly like you on the inside, even though you may have an
identical twin or a double who resembles you physically in every
detail.

Don’t forget this fact as you work with the method to add magnetism to your personality.

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Summary

You are now aware of the characteristics you must acquire in order to develop personal magnetism.

You have analyzed the main characteristics which make up your
own personality: you know yourself a lot better.

You now possess the basic elements you need to build your new
personality, one that will open the door to a whole new life.

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How do you see yourself?

You now know what you have to do to attract other people. You’ve
also succeeded in determining, more or less precisely, what the main
characteristics of your own personality are.

If you want other people to find you interesting, you first have to
find yourself interesting. This is where “self image” comes in. The
importance of a person’s self image is one of the major discoveries of
modern psychology.

Charismatic persons project images which conform to reality. Their
magnetism is, to a great extent, the result of this harmony, which becomes part of their being.

They see themselves as they are, and have learned to work with
their image. They radiate an aura of balance and psychological well
being, which makes them attractive to others.

Why not learn to correct the image you have of yourself? Don’t
worry, it’s much easier than you might think at first glance. You just
have to follow a few logical steps.

What is self image?

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re carrying around a mental image of the way you believe you are. The key word here is “believe.”

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Where does this image come from?

A self image is like a jigsaw puzzle - the individual pieces join
together to form a whole. Just like jigsaw puzzles have two or three
main types of pieces, identified by shape and colour, the image we
have of ourselves is composed of multiple pieces which fit into each
other, and which can be grouped , generally speaking, into three categories:

-Body image: This, obviously, is the image we have of our bodies, based on the signals our body sends us. Since our body is ultimately the only tangible, concrete and visible entity we possess upon
which we can base our judgment, it is the primary influence on our
self image.
-Education: As you know, we are, to a great extent, the product
of our education. Children who are suppressed and intimidated by
parents or teachers will develop a strong tendency to underestimate
themselves their whole life long, despite any personal successes they
may achieve later on.
-Interpersonal relations: We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others, especially during the first thirty years of our lives.
Therefore, a good piece of advice if you want to be successful and
attract the love and friendship of others: don’t surround yourself with
people who are depressed, defeatist, pessimistic, overly dependent,
or who complain all the time. Seek out the friendship of people who
are positive, optimistic, happy and independent.
Test: What image do you have of yourself?

The moment of truth has arrived. You don’t have to wrack your

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brain to figure out what kind of self image you have. Just complete
the following short test - as honestly as you can, of course!

1. When someone criticizes your attitude:
. a) You feel guilty
. b) You respect the other person’s opinion, without
necessarily changing your behavior.
. c) You react by making any necessary adjustments.
2. In your relations with the people around you:
. a) You feel inferior.
. b) You feel you are their equal.
. c) You feel superior.
3. If someone gives you a compliment:
. a) You accept gracefully thank the person.
. b) You consider the compliment unworthy of you.
. c) You feel obliged to return the compliment.
4. When you’re invited somewhere:
. a) You consider it par for the course, because you know you’re
good company.
. b) You think that you’re just being asked to fill in for a
missing guest.
. c) You think that others need you to have a good time.
5. The past:
. a) Preoccupies you almost completely.
. b) Occupies a very small part of your thinking.
. c) Occupies absolutely no place in your thoughts.

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6. When someone tries to dominate you:
. a) You submit.
. b) You resist.
. c) This couldn’t happen, because you’re the one who always
dominates others.
7. During a group discussion:
. a) You lead the discussion and try, using whatever means
possible, to convince the others.
. b) You accept the majority decision.
. c) You express your point of view, but this doesn’t prevent
you from respecting other people’s opinions.
8. When someone shows a desire to get to know you better:
. a) You respond naturally.
. b) You try to show your best side in order to impress the
person.
. c) You escape.
9. When you are promoted at work:
. a) You tell yourself it was just a question of luck.
. b) You think that your boss has overestimated your abilities.
. c) You believe you merit the promotion.
10. You’re invited to a barbecue party at a friend’s house:
. a) You constantly look for ways to help your host, in order to
justify the invitation.
. b) You decide you’re not there to serve people.
. c) Without being asked, you bring along a huge salad and a
cake for dessert.

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11. After a failure:
. a) You see it as conclusive proof of your incompetence.
. b) You analyze your behavior in order to avoid committing
the same mistakes again.
. c) You automatically blame others.
12. You believe:
. a) That you weren’t born to achieve great things.
. b) That you deserve the best things in life.
. c) That you’re perfectly suited to your present situation.
13. You find your exterior appearance:
. a) Enormously pleasing
. b) Somewhat pleasing
. c) Acceptable
14. Would you like to change the image you think you project:
. a) Totally
. b) Partially
. c) Not at all
15. Do you have confidence in your ability to achieve your goals:
. a) Completely
. b) None at all
. c) It depends on others.

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RESULTS

Question Answer (a) Answer (b) Answer (c) Points
1 0 5 2
2 0 5 2
3 5 2 0
4 5 0 2
5 0 5 2
6 0 5 2
7 2 0 5
8 5 2 0
9 2 0 5
10 0 5 2
11 0 5 2
12 0 2 5
13 2 0 5
14 0 2 5
15 5 0 2
TOTAL

If you scored less than 20 points:

Your self image is deplorable. Your general attitude is submissive, and you feel a constant need for the approval and acceptance of
others. You don’t like talking about yourself at all, and you are afraid
of letting go. You refuse to make an effort to develop intimate relationships.

You’re a worrier, who gets depressed easily. You run a minimum

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of risks. You’re probably introverted, and find it very difficult to communicate. Other people see you as a loner, a bit of an outsider and,
since you appear to care so little about your image, as someone who
is lonely by choice, while in reality, it is your fear of rejection that has
condemned you to a solitude.

If you scored between 20 and 50 points:

Your self image does not quite correspond to the person you’d
like to be. By trying to project an ideal image, you err on the side of
excess, in order to mask your insecurity.

You want to make others believe that you are an exceptional being. And you end up believing it yourself. You’re convinced that you’re
always right, and your incapable of respecting other people’s points
of view.

You take criticism badly, and you have a strong tendency to treat
others as inferior, an attitude which is not particularly conducive to
forming lasting friendships. Everyone possesses some good qualities

- you are certainly not the only one!
If you create an impression of being accessible to others, it’s because you want to prove your own superiority. Therefore, instead of
having a magnetic personality, you seem to alienate well-balanced
people, who probably find you somewhat hard to take. On the other
hand, you seem to attract persons of a submissive nature, who are
easily depressed, and who lack self confidence.

If you scored more than 50 points:

You have a good self image, which probably corresponds pretty

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closely to reality. You seem to accept yourself the way you are, and
you doubtlessly try to exploit your abilities to their fullest. You’re a
balanced person who respects other people. You’re also a tolerant
person. You attract friendship with ease, and people tend to put themselves out on your account. You’re probably one of the small minority of persons who feel good about themselves.

You have no trouble attaining the goals you set for yourself. Continue as you are -you’ve discovered one of the secrets of happiness.

How to improve your image?

You’re going to change yourself completely - mentally, emotionally and physically!

Exercise: Free yourself from the past!

1. Get comfortable and turn to next page and page 27. Try to arrange not to be disturbed.
Your negative self image is the result of precise causes, which go
way back to your past. On next page, write down the things you don’t
like about yourself, as well as the reasons you use to blame yourself
for being the way your are.

(For example: You find your physical appearance displeasing; overeating has caused you to gain weight; your moodiness has disrupted
your marriage; you don’t like your job, but you don’t have the courage to quit and go back to school, etc.)

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Things you don’t like about yourself

(reasons to blame yourself for being the way your are)

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2. Take your time - you may need a few days to run through your
past and find out what’s bothering you. Dig deep, and include even
minor details. You’ll be the only one ever to read this list, so don’t be
afraid to include things that you’d never admit to anyone else, even
under torture!
3. When your list is complete, read it through, saying:
“I forgive myself, I’m cleaning the slate. Everyone has weaknesses

-I’m not going to let mine destroy my sense of personal worth. I’m
starting a new relationship with myself. And I have a new self image
- I respect myself the way I am.”
4. Take a match or a lighter, and ceremoniously burn your list. If
you don’t like to play with fire, you can tear it up into a thousand
pieces. Do this as a symbolic gesture. You’ve turned the page on your
past.
Let’s move on to the next exercise.

You know that we’re all a collection of habits. Our attitudes, emotions and gestures have, over the years, become habitual and routine.
We’ve learned that to think or act in such and such a way, in a given
situation is correct and acceptable.

To change your personality and improve your self image, you
have to get rid of these habits. You do this simply by making conscious decisions. This exercise will help you modify your habitual
modes of thinking and behaviour.

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Exercise: Re-programming

1. Most people repeat the same series of activities every morning
when they wake up: get out of bed, go to the bathroom, wash, get
dressed, have breakfast. For the next two weeks, try reversing the
order of two of these activities. For example, if you usually eat breakfast after washing up, do the opposite. If you usually get dressed before having breakfast, do the reverse for the next two weeks, and so
on.
2. That’s not all: as you’re carrying out these activities in their
reversed order, think: “I’m starting this day in a new way.” Then make
a conscious decision that during the course of the day you’re going to
react differently than you usually do. For example, tell yourself:
“Today I’m going to stay calm, whatever happens.”

or:

“Today I’m not going to criticize anyone.”

or:

“Today I’m going to eliminate all negative thoughts from my
mind.”

or simply:

“Today I’m going to be as happy as possible.”

3. Each night think about the day that’s past and observe your
attitudes. Were you able to attain the goal you set yourself that morning? If so, keep on. If not, start again. After two weeks, you’ll feel like
you’ve been given a new lease on life.
Does this exercise seem too simple? Well, as you’ll soon see, it
isn’t as easy as all that to make a resolution in the morning, and stick
to it the whole day long. Try it and see for yourself.

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Warning: changing your self image does not mean developing an
inflated ego. On the contrary, what you’re trying to do is change your
mental image, your own evaluation of yourself - in other words the
concept you have of your ego.

Don’t forget that your ego is, and always will be, what it was to
start out with. What you have to change in order to succeed in life
and win the support of others is the erroneous and undervalued image you have of yourself.

You must absolutely understand this, if you want to go further
with this method. If you have any doubts, read this lesson, and the
preceding one over again, until it all becomes clear in your mind.

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Summary

This lesson is especially important because it deals with our mental
image - the way we believe we are - called self image.

The image you have of yourself affects your behavior. If you see
yourself as ugly, you will be ugly. If you see yourself as funny, you
will be funny. And if your self image is of an inferior person, then
others will treat you as an inferior.

To gain people’s friendship and support, to get people to find
you interesting and balanced, your self image has to project an interesting and balanced personality. If you don’t like yourself, how can
you expect others to like you?

By doing a simple test, you discovered how you actually see yourself. You then learned two exercises designed to help you remake your
self image, by exorcising what you don’t like about yourself, and replacing these traits with positive resolutions for the future.

If you do the work required, two weeks should be enough time
to lift the veils which have been hiding the “real” you.

Table of Contents Page 27

Table of Contents

What Kind Of “Personality” Do You Have? .................................................
2
6 Characteristics Of A Leader.......................................................................
3

1. Simplicity ................................................................................................
3
2. The ability to listen to others ................................................................
3
3. Self confidence and assertiveness........................................................
4
4. The ability to act decisively ..................................................................
4
5. Respect your commitments ..................................................................
5
6. Feeling good about yourself.................................................................
5
How To Know Yourself Better .....................................................................
6
Your Qualities And Faults ............................................................................
7
Transform Your Weaknesses Into Strengths...............................................
9
Test: You And Others.....................................................................................