This is Zootoo.com's program
dedicated to Funny Pet News.

Watch as Beth Hoyt and Laura
Valpey bring you real pet news
that proves the truth is
stranger than fiction.

This episode;
Killer Cat
Lavish Pet Funeral
Cute Knut Children's Book
Rat Land Mine Detector
Missing Boa Constrictor
Cops Kill Pig
Dog W
more

This is Zootoo.com's program
dedicated to Funny Pet News.

Watch as Beth Hoyt and Laura
Valpey bring you real pet news
that proves the truth is
stranger than fiction.

This episode;
Killer Cat
Lavish Pet Funeral
Cute Knut Children's Book
Rat Land Mine Detector
Missing Boa Constrictor
Cops Kill Pig
Dog Whores
Attempted K-9 Robbery


Show transcript;

BETH: A Grim Reaper Cat,
Knut!, and Doggy Rentals ...
All true pet stories, on
Zootoo News.

1.) LAURA:
Oscar the cat, who lives in a
nursing home in Providence,
Rhode Island seems to have an
uncanny knack for predicting
when patients are about to
die. The cat seems to always
curl up next to patients
before they pass away. One
thing Oscar will never hear?
'Heeeeerre kitty kitty ...'

2.) LAURA:
A funeral home in China
recently received a big
contract, preparing a 2 day,
$13,000 funeral for a
widower's only companion, his
dog. Locals complained that
the lavish pet funeral was
unnecessary. But would you
want to be the guy who's dog
funeral didn't have an open
bar?

4.) BETH:
Knut the very popular polar
bear that resides in the
Berlin Zoo has a new 44-page
children's book out about him.
When asked if the Harry Potter
series will interfere with its
sales, Knut's trainer said
'No, because at the end of
Harry Potter, everyone was
surprised when
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP
, but that won't happen at the
end of Knut's 7th book.

5.) LAURA
Columbian police have begun a
new program, training rats to
detect explosives in
minefields. In order to teach
them to be less skiddish on
the fields, the rodents are
locked in cages with cats,
which helps them overcome
their fear of possible
predators.
The next goal: help them
overcome their fear of getting
blown up.

6.) LAURA:
Dana Shields' pet boa
constrictor is missing near a
Memphis golf course. The
owner says she named the snake
Fluffy so people would be less
fearful of him. Which sounds
nice, until you realize he was
named after his last meal.

Beth: marshmallow pie thought
Laura: No. Fluffy dog joke.

7.) BETH:
The Jones family is furious
with their local sheriff's
department in Georgia, after a
deputy shot and killed their
pet pig, Gator, when he
wandered onto a neighbor's
property.
There is more controversy to
this story, as the Jones'
reported that Gator weighed
90lbs, but the sheriff's
office estimated the pig
weighed 200 lbs. After hearing
this the Jones' said, 'first
you kill our pig, now you call
him fat!'

8.) BETH:
And now, the latest in canine
convenience -- a California
company that contracts out
dogs by the day.
Marlena Cervantes, founder of
FlexPetz, bristles when people
refer to her five-month-old
business as a rent-a-pet
service. She prefers the term
''shared pet ownership',
saying 'our members realize
they can't care for a pet
full-time.'

Laura: Sounds perfect for
those commitment phobe guys.
(immediately realizes mistake,
looks at beth) Sorry, Beâ??
Beth: Yeah, so they'll know
what it feels like to be taken
out for a day, made to feel
special, and then never called
on again.

9.) LAURA:
Three criminals attempted to
rob a K-9 unit training
facility in Gainesville,
Georgia. A sergeant on the
scene said 'for anyone to run
from a whole unit of canines,
it's just a no win situation.'

Signs outside the training
facility warn: 'Caution!
Gainesville Police Department
K-9 Training Facility! Keep
Out!' Which proves that even
if you're planning on becoming
a criminal, you need to learn
to read.

'Beware of Dog'
'Caution Keep Out!'
'Seriously. Big Dogs Ahead.'
'Dude. You're Going to Get
Bit'
'You Should Have Learned To
Read'
Picture of Big dog
Picture of it biting a man
Picture of a hand pointing at
the person looking at it.

Category Comedy

Tags Zootoo, Zoo, Pet, News, Funny, Comedy, Weird, Dog, Death, Cat, Cop, Shot, Pig, Whores, Cute, Knut, Polar, Bear, Funeral, Boa, Rat, K9